Open Wardrobes

After going into detail on the process for the festival, I thought I should post my play here as well. I still want to do some additional work on it before sending it out anywhere else, but for the time being here is the festival version of Circus of Fate.


(Lights up. CASSANDRA, wearing a jester's hat, winds up a music box and starts it playing. She then starts to juggle.)

CASSANDRA
Fate's a funny thing. It takes so little for our lives to change course, a chance word, a momentary whim, being in the right place... or the wrong one. How much do we really choose, and how much do we simply act upon the circumstances of the moment?

(DIANA enters, upset. CASSANDRA stops juggling and catches two balls, letting the third fall to the ground. DIANA looks up and sees her.)

DIANA
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you. I suppose I shouldn't be back here.

CASSANDRA
If you're here, then you're supposed to be.

DIANA
Are you with the circus?

CASSANDRA
Name's Cassandra. Juggler, clown, and prophet.

DIANA
Prophet? Funny.

CASSANDRA
Not really.
(She picks up the music box.)

DIANA
What's with the music box?

CASSANDRA
It tells the future. Care to give it a try?

DIANA
I get it, you're the fortune teller. I suppose every circus has one.

CASSANDRA
Fortune telling? That's just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo for the superstitious. I'm the real deal.

DIANA
Sure.
(She starts to walk away.)

CASSANDRA
What's the hurry, Diana?

DIANA
Should I be creeped out you know my name?

CASSANDRA
Does fate creep you out?

DIANA
I don't believe in fate.

CASSANDRA
Why did you walk this way?

DIANA
What?

CASSANDRA
Why did you go left behind the tents instead of right, towards the bearded lady?

DIANA
I don't know. Why not? Why were you back here juggling?

CASSANDRA
Because you went left.

DIANA
I don't get it.

CASSANDRA
If you had gone right, where do you think I'd be?

DIANA
I don't know, over by the bearded lady?

CASSANDRA
No, actually I'd still be right here, because then we weren't fated to meet.

DIANA
So I'm here...

CASSANDRA
...because you need help. Because you went left, and found the two of them together.

DIANA
Troy and Minerva, I'm going to kill them both. She broke up with him, you know, but now that we're dating she can't keep her hands off him.

CASSANDRA
Is that what you saw?

DIANA
Her giggling and his goofy smile was all I needed to see. If she thinks I'm giving him up without a fight... What do I do?
(CASSANDRA offers her the music box.)
The fortune-telling music box?
(CASSANDRA nods.)
All right, why not.

CASSANDRA
Just one catch.

DIANA
How much?

CASSANDRA
Not that. You see, I'll tell you your fate, but you won't believe me.

DIANA
Why not?

CASSANDRA
You just won't.

DIANA
Then what's the point?

CASSANDRA
Do you want to know or not?

DIANA
Fine. Sure. Whatever. I don't believe in this stuff anyway.

CASSANDRA
Then wind it up.
(DIANA takes the music box and CASSANDRA starts juggling.)

DIANA
Why do I have to do it?

CASSANDRA
It's your future.
(DIANA winds up the music box. She lets it play and CASSANDRA begins her prophecy.)
What you now think, the opposite is true. Trust them both and it'll be just him and you. But if you become her enemy, you'll lose them both through your jealousy.
(CASSANDRA catches two balls and lets the third drop. Pause)

DIANA
That's it?

CASSANDRA
That's it.

DIANA
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

CASSANDRA
Told you so.

DIANA
Of course I don't believe you. I saw them together, and now I'm supposed to pretend nothing happened?

CASSANDRA
What did happen?

DIANA
Oh knowing Minerva I can imagine. And you want me to believe that if I let it go Troy and I will live happily ever after?

CASSANDRA
That's the gist of it.

DIANA
But if I make a big deal of it, then I'll lose him.

CASSANDRA
That's right.

DIANA
I don't know why I'm even talking to you. I just need some time to figure this out, OK?

CASSANDRA
OK.

DIANA
I'm really confused right now and I don't want to lose him, but...

CASSANDRA
Right.

DIANA
But he cheated on me! And... and... and you're not a very funny clown!
(DIANA goes off to think while CASSANDRA practices some prat falls or something else clownish. MINERVA enters, talking to someone offstage.)

MINERVA
No, I'll be right back. I've got a craving for some cotton candy, that's all.
(Slight pause)
Because I don't want her to see me, what would she think?
(MINERVA starts to cross the stage and stops when she sees DIANA.)
Oh. Hi, Diana.

DIANA
You.

CASSANDRA
(Still practicing)
I'm telling you, Diana, walk away, and leave it for another day.

MINERVA
Diana, look, it's not what you think.
(DIANA grabs MINERVA by the hair.)
Ow! Stop it!

DIANA
You little flirt!

MINERVA
You're hurting me!

DIANA
Give me one reason why I shouldn't rearrange that pretty little face of yours.

MINERVA
Nothing happened!

DIANA
You expect me to believe that? How many has it been, Minerva? How many guys have you stolen from me?

MINERVA
I... I don't know.

DIANA
Too many to count, huh? I could never have a boyfriend without you flirting with him. Next thing I know he's run off with you.
(MINEVERA pushes DIANA away.)

MINERVA
Look, I know I've been stupid before, but I would never try to take Troy away from you. We were just talking.

DIANA
You with a guy is never just talk.

MINERVA
Is that what you think of me? Diana, please, we've been friends since the fourth grade.

DIANA
And why's that? You couldn't get enough guys on your own?

MINERVA
Troy and I broke up. In fact, I broke up with him, remember? He wants to be with you.
(DIANA pushes MINERVA.)

DIANA
What, losing your touch?

MINERVA
Are you even going to hear me out?

DIANA
I'm not in the mood for your excuses, Minerva. This is the last straw.
(She pushes MINERVA again.)

MINERVA
Stop it.

DIANA
What's the matter? Don't have the guts to stand up to me on your own? You can only go behind my back, is that it?
(MINERVA slaps DIANA.)
I hate you.

MINERVA
You know what? If you weren't so crazy jealous all the time your boyfriends wouldn't keep running to me looking for a little sympathy.

DIANA
Is that what Troy did? Run to you for sympathy?

MINERVA
Sort of... I mean, no... Look, if you'll just let me explain...

DIANA
Ahhh!!!
(DIANA goes after MINERVA and they struggle. CASSANDRA starts the music box playing and then juggles again.)

CASSANDRA
Stop!
（They do.)
What did she do to earn this hate? Make peace, Diana, it's not too late. Or else your fate may lead to blood, and you'll lose them both. Perhaps you should.
(She catches two balls and lets the third one fall.)

MINERVA
What?

DIANA
The music box tells the future.

MINERVA
What?

DIANA
She's a prophet... juggler... clown-person.

MINERVA
What?

CASSANDRA
You can still make it right, Diana. Be happy ever after, be best friends for life.

DIANA
With her? I don't think so.

MINERVA
It wasn't what you think! Troy just needed a friend.

DIANA
How convenient.

MINERVA
He's sick of your stupid jealousy. But you're good together, most of the time. I told him how much you care about him. I was trying to help you both.

DIANA
Are you kidding me? After all the times you've gone after my boyfriends you think that I –

CASSANDRA
Who wants to hear a joke?

MINERVA
Yes! Let's all just calm down and hear a joke from the clown.
(CASSANDRA starts juggling again.)

CASSANDRA
There was this guy. He married a woman who was beautiful but crazy jealous. So one day when he went out without telling her she followed him. When he secretly met her best friend she was convinced he was unfaithful and in a fit of rage she stabbed them both. Turns out they were just planning her birthday party.
(Pause)

MINERVA
How is that funny?

CASSANDRA
I guess it's not. I never was a very good clown.

DIANA
You're not much of a juggler either. What's the point, Cassandra?

CASSANDRA
Fate likes to test us, make us show our true colors. Will you trust your best friend, or assume the worst? Right or left?

DIANA
Why don't you tell me, O Instrument of Fate? Or do I need to wind up the music box of destiny again?

CASSANDRA
Trust me, this'll all look better in the morning.

DIANA
So I should just walk away and let her run off with my boyfriend?

MINERVA
Just because we used to date doesn't mean –

DIANA
I know you want him back.

MINERVA
That's all over, Diana. But I couldn't blame him for leaving you after the way you've treated him.
(DIANA slaps MINERVA. MINEVERA shoves DIANA.)
I am so sick of you! You're so jealous of everyone you don't see what a great thing you've already got.

DIANA
I saw you with him. I saw the two of you... I saw...
(DIANA unconsciously reaches for a weapon and CASSANDRA tosses an umbrella into her hand.)
I'm not letting you steal Troy away from me!
(DIANA prepares to use the umbrella like a sword and stab MINERVA, but CASSANDRA has a second umbrella and blocks the blow.)

CASSANDRA
It's too late now. You've lost him. He'll go back to her now.

DIANA
I knew it. The two of you, behind my back. I'll bet you never really left him. You've been making a fool of me this whole time.

CASSANDRA
(To MINERVA)
You should go now. You and Troy will be very happy together.

MINERVA
But why?

CASSANDRA
Because she went left.

DIANA
This is all your fault. You and your stupid fate.
(She attacks CASSANDRA and they "sword" fight with the umbrellas.)

MINERVA
Diana, stop, we can work this out. We'll go back to Troy and –

DIANA
Shut up! I don't ever want to see you again!

MINERVA
Diana, we're best friends, please...
(MINERVA gets in the way of the fight as DIANA lunges with her "sword." CASSANDRA takes the blow instead and is stabbed by DIANA.)

DIANA
Oh my God...

MINERVA
What did you do? You killed a clown. Troy's right, you are nuts!
(She runs off and exits.)

DIANA
Minerva, please... I'm sorry...

CASSANDRA
You know, I saw this coming.

DIANA
Go right, and everything would have been fine...

CASSANDRA
...go left and... Fate's a funny thing.

DIANA
I didn't believe you.

CASSANDRA
Yeah.

DIANA
Now what?

CASSANDRA
It's funny, I don't know.
(DIANA picks up the music box, winds it, and lets it play. Blackout.)

On Saturday, after finally getting a little sleep following my all-night writing session, I took some time to relax. It was funny knowing that while my piece of the festival was finished, back at the space actors and directors had just gotten started taking these 6 scripts and bringing them to life. I helped Kelly clean around the house, we went out to Tea (I did not do any writing), and all the while the actors and directors blocked, memorized, rehearsed, and (in the case of my play!) worked on such things as juggling and stage combat. A little after 7 PM on Saturday Kelly and I returned to the theater which was all ready for the world premier of half a dozen shows that hadn't existed 24-hours earlier. That alone is, I think, extremely cool. So, here what the pieces that emerged from this marathon of creativity, keeping in mind that this was a 24-hour festival and as such none of the plays were expected to be 100% perfect and polished:

The Duck by Brady Bergeson, directed by Joe Hendren
My favorite of the plays outside my own, a husband and wife encounter a man at the bus stop who, as it turns out, is a duck. The woman accepts his duckness (is that a word?), while the husband sees just a man with a green umbrella (the duck's plumage, of course). It was funny and clever and my kind of absurdism. It also contained my favorite line of the night: the frank revelation, "I'm a duck."

Circus of Fate by T. James Belich, directed by Janan Terpstra
Is it self-serving to review your own play? I was, to be sure, a little nervous when it came time for my play. When I woke up Saturday morning and my play came flooding back, I had a moment of self-doubt about the piece. What had I been thinking? Would any of it actually work??? So I was very pleased to see what my director and cast had accomplished with an admittedly peculiar script. Loosely based on the Trojan War, my play featured the juggler, clown and prophet Cassandra as she tried to warn Diana off a perilous course. Becka Linder, who played Cassandra, was absolutely excellent and brought a wonderful quirky tone to the character I hadn't pictured. I love it when an actor does something completely unexpected with a character which turns out to be perfect. The parts I was not sure about? They worked. The audience? They laughed (despite a darker ending). I was quite pleased.

Jen Dobray by Geoff Herbach, directed by Laurie Swigart
Where The Duck was my kind of absurdism, this one sadly was not. A boy's Polish mother decides to leave him, making the Bagel Lady his new mother. The Bagel Lady gives the boy things to eat that are not bagels, or even edible. The boy's step-sister calls him Pumpkin Head. Everyone is happy at the end. This play had its moments, and funny ones, but in the end I was left wondering, "Huh?" The actors did an excellent job of selling the parts they were given and so it wasn't a bad play, but certainly for the concept it went on a little long.

Lovely Day by Josiah Laubenstein, directed by Alissa Blaeser
A much put-upon wife has to deal with both her husband and sister-in-law (who has moved in) who demand everything and give nothing and are far too much alike. A nice relationship piece which left you wanting to throttle the husband and sister as much as the wife did. Good and solid.

Here Today, Tomorrow, Next Week, Next Year... by David Hanzal, directed by Kate Elise
A highly successful Jeopardy contestant (think a female Ken Jennings) falls in love with the producer's assistant. I know David from Lakeshore's last 10-minute festival where he directed the Old West play I was in, and it was in fact David who recommended me to Heritage for this festival, so I feel a little bad that I just couldn't get myself to like this play. I was never quite sure where it was going, and I thought it lacked in any real conflict. Kudos to David for trying to condense a long-term relationship between the characters (the time span is over a couple of years) into 10 minutes, but the ending lacked punch as I didn't really believe the struggle of the main characters to get there.

Divorce Sweater by Stephanie Wilbur-Ash, directed by Stephen Moore
A story of a husband and wife on the rocks, who each visits their respective (and divorced) parent for consolation after leaving their spouse. The advice they get is not what they expect: the parents seem thrilled to induct them into the world of the divorcee, even giving each the family divorce sweater. In the end the husband and wife run out the door, and presumably back to each other. This, I think, was a solid script underneath that suffered from the time limits of the festival, as the actors were not 100% solid in their lines, many of which required split-second delivery to work as intended. It would certainly benefit from a longer rehearsal period for the performers to get the character nuances and timing down. As such it felt a little flat, but I think that was more due to the challenges of putting something together in 24 hours rather than anything else.



So, there it is. The product of over 30 artists in a 24-hour window. The beauty of it is that everyone threw themselves into it and no one was afraid to take chances. I hope I wasn't too hard on the other performers or writers above, given the extreme limitations imposed. I see a festival like this as similar to the Fringe: the point is to try something new, and while not everything is going to succeed, it will all be new and different.

Last night at 7:30 PM I gathered with about 30 other people to kick off Heritage Theater's first 24-Hour Play Festival. The producers of the festival, Emily and Lori, started with some basic information about how the festival would work, and then we moved on to introductions. The writers and directors said our names and what our role was, then the actors. The actors each took a minute to describe themselves and any special abilities, such as accents or knowledge of stage combat, that might be useful as we writers started our work. Then the actors left. The directors were then each asked to pick a prop (we all contributed one) and give it to a writer (I was given a jester's hat). Then the directors left. The writers then each picked an actor headshot at random, then we took turns choosing the rest. These were the actors we then had to write the show for. Then, at about 8:30 PM, we sat down to work with the goal of a completed 10-minute script by 5 AM.

Several of us started out by going over to a nearby Caribou Coffee to make use of the Internet, and I sat there looking more carefully at the actors I had chosen and their skills, and starting to think of possible ideas. A couple of the other writers seemed to hit their computers immediately, typing out what at the time I was sure was a perfectly polished script, while I struggled to find the right idea. I was hit by a particular concept right away, but had trouble envisioning a story to go with it. I did some research on the idea, then decided I'd better brainstorm a little further, in case idea #1 didn't pan out. Eventually I hit upon an opening image that intrigued me. It grew out of my original idea, though definitely took things in a different direction. I started sketching out some dialogue and then headed back to the event hall (where the festival is taking place) when Caribou closed.

It was now about 10 PM and each writer found themselves a spot and hunkered down. It must have been a strange sight: 6 people working silently at computers, with books, random props, coffee and snacks scattered all around. I kept plugging on my idea, figuring at this point I should pick a direction and stick to it, and creating a very rough and somewhat inconsistent draft. It was one of those drafts that, if you were to read it (and no you can't) you would quickly realize I didn't yet fully know who the characters needed to be, as one especially changed direction several times throughout the piece. So I took a little break from pen and paper, and sat in thought. Who were these characters and what was it exactly I was trying to accomplish? In 10 minutes you don't have a lot of room to be wishy-washy. You need to define your characters and their conflict and get going. So I sat there until I felt that I had a more specific idea of each of the characters and the key points of the structure. I based the play loosely (very loosely) on another story and knew I wouldn't get anywhere with draft #2 until I figured out exactly what the parallels between the two stories were supposed to be.

Finally a little before midnight I pulled out my computer and started shaping things into a cohesive draft. Several bits had to be reworked and rethought, I second guessed some of my original decisions, and ate large quantities of Chex Mix. A little after 2 AM I had the second draft more or less done. There were a few bits that I could tell weren't quite what I envisioned, but I was starting to hit a wall. At 2 AM, I discovered, my ability to grapple with larger intellectual problems in a script is somewhat diminished. But I did what I could, then spent an hour or so doing some more fine tuning and polishing. We had until 5 AM, but at 3:30 AM I knew that I wasn't in much of a condition to do too much more to the piece. So I threw on a title page, added the cast list, and gave it to the producers to print out (followed just a few minutes later by a couple other writers). That task complete I fell into bed at home just before 4 AM.

At 7 AM this morning the directors returned to read the scripts and decide who would direct what. At 9 AM the actors returned and they all set to work. I, during both of these key milestones, was thankfully asleep. So as I write this directors and actors are engaged in bringing these 6 brand-new scripts to life, no doubt wrestling with how to make sense of what 3 AM delirium has wrought. At 7:30 PM tonight it all goes before an audience.

How will it turn out? Well, that's the big question and will be interesting to see. Are the scripts perfect? Certainly not. Will they be interesting, intriguing, or at least mildly funny? I hope so. That's the adventure that comes when you're willing to toss aside the question of "Is it good?" for awhile and just create, at least for 24 hours.

Tonight I am participating as a playwright in a 24-hour play festival for Heritage Theater in Maplewood. This is my first time being a part of such an event, and I'm rather excited by it. The concept is that in a 24-hour period plays are written, rehearsed, and then performed. From scratch. After an initial meeting tonight at 7:30, we writers then have from 9 PM to 5 AM to write a 10-minute play using certain criteria (which we'll be given tonight), such as how many actors it needs to use. Then tomorrow morning the directors meet and decide who will direct what, then the actors join them and they all rehearse. At 7:30 PM tomorrow evening all of the plays will be performed. Crazy? Perhaps. Fun? You bet! Somehow I think having such a tight deadline will force us as writers to turn off the internal editor and just take an idea and run with it. I'm also guessing that come 1 AM almost anything will seem funny, so that should help as well.

So what will my play be about? Who knows! And that's the beauty of it. My hope is that it will at least contain a good kernel of an idea that I can later polish up into a nice 10-minute piece. So if you're in the neighborhood tomorrow night, stop by Heritage and see half a dozen world premieres. It's only $10, and they're doing it as a fundraiser.

Since the end of the Fringe (has it really been more than a month now?) I've been left with the feeling of "What now?" It's strange after focusing so much time on one project for an entire year to suddenly be finished with it. But after taking some time to relax, I am now trying to slowly get back into some more writing.


Over the past few days I've been revising a 10-minute play I first wrote the rough draft of back in November. It's a silly piece, sure, but I think it's fun and worth brushing up. There are always a lot of contests and the like for 10-minute plays, so it never hurts to have some new ones in your arsenal (besides, after blanketing all the contests with one in a given year, I need something need as everyone starts their next contest!). So I've been brushing it up and now have draft 2 which I put here below:

(A backyard with several trees, which may be representational or simply mimed, as desired. A squirrel, CHIP, enters and looks ahead for danger. Seeing nothing CHIP uses silent, army-like hand motions to signal the others. Two other squirrels, NUTTY and ZIPPY, enter cautiously. NUTTY follows CHIP's instructions and stands at the designated point while ZIPPY, distracted, wanders off until put in place by CHIP. CHIP then scouts further ahead to ensure that they are safe.)

NUTTY: Is she there?

CHIP: Looks like the coast is clear. All right. Attention! (NUTTY snaps to, while ZIPPY looks blank and then dissolved into giggles.) Private Zippy! (ZIPPY stops.) That's better Now, does everyone remember the plan? (NUTTY and ZIPPY clearly are unsure.)

NUTTY: Well we, um... then we... No.

CHIP: Good grief! All right, one more time then. Operation: Sudden Death.

NUTTY: I'm sorry, what?!?

CHIP: It's just a figure of speech. The target: the family dog, codename Bonehead. (ZIPPY giggles.) If you please! The mission: to establish our dominance over the backyard once and for all. The plan: to capture Bonehead. (ZIPPY and NUTTY gasp.)

NUTTY: Impossible!

CHIP: Nevertheless, we will capture the dog... or die trying.

NUTTY: Uh, Chip, when you say die...

CHIP: A figure of speech.

NUTTY: Can we stop using those?

CHIP: Now then, here's what we're going to do. Nutty, you will act as bait.

NUTTY: Bait?!?

CHIP: (Not listening) Meanwhile, I will keep a lookout on the backdoor and give the signal once Bonehead... (ZIPPY laughs again.) Zippy! (ZIPPY stops.) ...once Bonehead is in the backyard. Then, when Nutty has lured Bonehead into position, Zippy will spring the trap. Have you got that?

NUTTY: About this whole bait thing...

CHIP: Private Nutty! (NUTTY stands at attention.)

NUTTY: Yes sir!

CHIP: Do you want to always be looking over your shoulder every time you dare venture from the trees?

NUTTY: No sir!

CHIP: Do you want future generations of squirrels to be put through the terror that has become our daily existence?

NUTTY: No sir!

CHIP: Do you want to end up like Old Man No-tail?

NUTTY: No sir!

ZIPPY: (Echoing) No sir! (ZIPPY breaks down into a fit of giggles.)

CHIP: Then the proper execution of this plan is of the utmost importance! It is critical that Bonehead be lured into position or else our whole mission is naught.

NUTTY: Not what?

CHIP: Not not, naught! Pointless! Doomed to fail! You must ensure that Bonehead reaches this point here. (CHIP crosses to stand at the designated spot.) The fate of every squirrel in the tri-block area depends on it. Are you going to let them down?

NUTTY: (With patriotic zeal) No sir!

CHIP: Then take your position! (NUTTY proudly does so and ZIPPY applauds enthusiastically. Slight pause)

NUTTY: What do I do when Bonehead gets here?

CHIP: Run like the wind soldier!

NUTTY: Right. (CHIP crosses to ZIPPY.)

CHIP: Zippy. (ZIPPY has become distracted by a bird or other backyard item.) Zippy! Your post is here, behind the tree. Once Bonehead is in position you will spring the trap.

ZIPPY: Trap? (ZIPPY looks to NUTTY who shrugs.)

CHIP: Did either of you two pay any attention at all during the briefing?

NUTTY: Not exactly...

CHIP: Why not?

NUTTY: I was eating a nut.

CHIP: What?

NUTTY: It was a really good nut.

CHIP: Nutty!

NUTTY: What did you expect? We're squirrels, we're not known for our attention spans.

CHIP: And you, Private Zippy? (ZIPPY, whose attention has wandered again, acts as if he's noticed CHIP for the first time.)

ZIPPY: Hi Chip!

NUTTY: I rest my case.

CHIP: Will you please pay attention! The success of this mission rests solely on us. Succeed, and eternal glory shall be ours. Fail, and we'll be torn limb from limb.

NUTTY: Is that a figure of speech?

CHIP: No. Zippy, your job is crucial. When Bonehead reaches Nutty you must throw the net, got it? (ZIPPY nods vigorously, with no comprehension of what CHIP is saying. CHIP exits briefly and returns with a net which he gives to ZIPPY.)

NUTTY: A net? We're squirrels, where'd we get a net?

CHIP: A secret team of operatives has been weaving it from grass and twigs for months.

NUTTY: We have secret operatives?

CHIP: Actually, we used chipmunk labor, but the point is it's finished and we're ready for action.

NUTTY: What happens to Bonehead once we catch her?

CHIP: Everyone else is waiting in the trees. Once Bonehead is secured, they pounce! When we're through with her Bonehead will never mess with us again. (NUTTY looks up in the trees at the invisible army of squirrels.)

NUTTY: How come they get to be up there and we're the ones down here?

CHIP: We drew the short sticks. Now, both of you, get ready! (NUTTY and ZIPPY take their positions.) Once Bonehead is in the backyard I will give the signal, "Acorn."

ZIPPY: Acorn! Acorn! (ZIPPY starts searching the ground for acorns.)

CHIP: Zippy!

ZIPPY: Acorn! Acorn! (CHIP grabs ZIPPY and puts him in his place.)

CHIP: Stay in position. It's almost dinner time and Bonehead is always let out before dinner. (CHIP takes position on the opposite side of the stage, watching for the dog, and they all wait.)

NUTTY: So, Zippy, gather enough nuts for the winter yet?

ZIPPY: Nuts! (ZIPPY suddenly runs away and offstage.)

NUTTY: What'd I say? (CHIP looks back and sees that ZIPPY is missing.)

CHIP: Where's Zippy?

NUTTY: Well I said... then Zippy... How should I know? It's Zippy! (ZIPPY returns carrying a load of nuts.)

CHIP: What are you doing?

ZIPPY: My nuts!

NUTTY: Hey, nice stash, buddy.

CHIP: Zippy, get rid of those now, it's almost time. (ZIPPY looks for a place to hide his nuts and then realizes CHIP and NUTTY are watching.)

ZIPPY: Can't.

CHIP: Why not? (ZIPPY looks shy.)

NUTTY: He can't do it while we're watching, Chip. They're his nuts.

CHIP: For goodness sake... fine. But hurry! (CHIP and NUTTY turn their backs on ZIPPY who hides the nuts in the most obvious place.)

ZIPPY: OK! (CHIP and NUTTY turn back around.)

CHIP: Now, can we get on with this?

NUTTY: Come on, Zippy, over here. (Suddenly, we hear the sound of a DOG offstage. CHIP and NUTTY freeze. ZIPPY starts nibbling on a nut.)

CHIP: There she is! Acorn! Acorn!

ZIPPY: Acorn? Acorns! (ZIPPY abandons the net and starts looking around for acorns.)

NUTTY: Zippy, get back here! (The DOG enters, sniffing around the ground.)

CHIP: Back in position, Zippy, it's Bonehead!

ZIPPY: Bonehead? (ZIPPY starts giggling again. The DOG notices ZIPPY and starts to growl.)

NUTTY: Uh oh.

DOG: Grrrrrrrr..... (She slowly advances on the unsuspecting ZIPPY.)

ZIPPY: Bonehead! (ZIPPY continues to giggle.)

CHIP: Zippy, the net! The net! (ZIPPY doesn't pay attention.) Nutty, lure Bonehead!

NUTTY: But there's no trap!

CHIP: Do it!

NUTTY: (To the DOG) Yoohoo! Over here! (The DOG sees NUTTY and starts to bark and chase after him.) Ahhh!!! Chip!

CHIP: Get her in position! (CHIP crosses to ZIPPY.) Where's the net? (ZIPPY offers CHIP a nut.)

ZIPPY: Acorn?

CHIP: No! That was just the signal! (CHIP picks up the net and gives it to ZIPPY.) Here, get ready. (By now the DOG has NUTTY cornered behind a bush or tree.)

NUTTY: Help!

CHIP: Private Nutty, that's not the position.

NUTTY: Close enough! Just do something!

CHIP: Private Zippy: ready, aim, fire! (ZIPPY looks blank.) The net! (ZIPPY throws the net over CHIP.) Get it off! (CHIP stumbles around and runs into the DOG. The DOG grabs CHIP and shakes him around.) Get her off me!

NUTTY: Think of something, Zippy. (ZIPPY offers an acorn to NUTTY.)

ZIPPY: Acorn?

NUTTY: Zippy, that's brilliant. Gather the nuts!

ZIPPY: Nuts! (ZIPPY dashes for his stash and together ZIPPY and NUTTY start pelting the DOG with them. The DOG releases CHIP, growls, and goes after NUTTY and ZIPPY.)

NUTTY: Retreat! Retreat! (They run away and CHIP disentangles himself from the net.)

CHIP: What's going on? (NUTTY and ZIPPY collide with CHIP and the DOG advances on them all.)

NUTTY: Is it too late to abort mission?

CHIP: Run! (The SQUIRRELS run away while the DOG chases them. NUTTY and ZIPPY run one direction while CHIP runs in another and is followed offstage by the DOG.)

NUTTY: Go, Chip, go! Go, Chip, go! (ZIPPY joins in the chant.)

NUTTY and ZIPPY: Go, Chip, go! Go, Chip... (From offstage we hear the sound of squealing tires followed by a crash.)

NUTTY: Ooooh, that can't be good...

ZIPPY: (Sadly) Bye bye Chip. (Pause and then CHIP re-enters, looking a little worse for the wear.)

NUTTY: Chip, you're OK! (CHIP crosses to NUTTY and grabs him.)

CHIP: The plan? What happened to the plan?!?

NUTTY: Well, first you recruited Zippy... (ZIPPY looks up from eating a nut, then returns to it.)

CHIP: I suppose it doesn't matter. She won't be chasing us anymore.

NUTTY: Yeah, and thankfully squirrels can't be sued for property damage.

CHIP: Well done, soldiers, mission accomplished.

NUTTY: Though I do feel a little bad for the kids. Their dog was their best friend.

CHIP: A casualty of war. But thanks to her sacrifice future generations of squirrels will be able to live on in peace and safety.

NUTTY: A moment of silence for old Bonehead. (They all bow their heads for a moment of silence.) Back to the trees?

CHIP: Back to the trees. (The start to exit when we hear a barking sound, higher-pitched than the DOG's.)

NUTTY: Chip, what's that? (CHIP looks offstage.)

CHIP: Oh no...

NUTTY: What? What is it? (NUTTY looks past CHIP to see.) Is that...?

CHIP: It is.

CHIP and NUTTY: Puppy!!! (ZIPPY waves at the approaching puppy, but CHIP and NUTTY drag ZIPPY offstage with them while we hear the sound of an excited puppy chasing them. Blackout.)

Last night I was invited to attend the preview for Brighton Beach Memoirs at Lakeshore Players (which opens any minute now). It's a Neil Simon piece, but if you're expecting the laugh-a-minute comedy of Fools or The Odd Couple be advised that this is a drama, but a great one. It's the first in a trilogy that is loosely based on Simon's own life and as such the family drama really rings true. Previews can often be a bit rocky due to last-minute technical glitches and the like, but not here. The cast was clearly ready for an audience. They were solid all around, from teenage Eugene who offers commentary on his life straight to the audience, with a tinge of the always-blamed-for-everything child, to the nervous but ultimately strong widowed Aunt Blanche (and as I only knew a couple people in the cast and they didn't yet have programs I'll have to stick mostly to character names). Kate is fantastic as the overbearing guilt-is-my-most-powerful-tool mother, and Jack (Jim) as the overworked father trying to keep a roof over this extended family's head. Stanley (D. W. Surine) was nice as the older brother, trying yet not always succeeding at sharing the responsibility of supporting everyone, and Nora was excellent as Blanche's defiant daughter who deep down just misses both her dead father and distant mother. Lastly, Laurie (played by my Greenie daughter Ali) was wonderful as the delicate daughter who has learned to work her "illness" to her advantage. In a play like this that depends on us believing the relationships between these characters the strong acting was key and the whole cast delivers, though I thought that Blanche (who has the biggest character arc in the show) and Laurie were the standouts.


Clearly the cast benefited from strong direction by Brian Sherman, and the set that somehow packs an entire house on stage (and if you know the Lakeshore stage you'll know that's quite a feat) adds to the intimacy of this production. The show runs through October 4th, with 8 PM performances on Friday and Saturdays and 2 PM shows on Sundays (yes, that's right, I actually reviews a show before it's closed). I highly recommend this one, though be aware the subject matter and language are PG-13. 4 1/2 out of 5 stars.