Open Wardrobes

Since the end of the Fringe (has it really been more than a month now?) I've been left with the feeling of "What now?" It's strange after focusing so much time on one project for an entire year to suddenly be finished with it. But after taking some time to relax, I am now trying to slowly get back into some more writing.


Over the past few days I've been revising a 10-minute play I first wrote the rough draft of back in November. It's a silly piece, sure, but I think it's fun and worth brushing up. There are always a lot of contests and the like for 10-minute plays, so it never hurts to have some new ones in your arsenal (besides, after blanketing all the contests with one in a given year, I need something need as everyone starts their next contest!). So I've been brushing it up and now have draft 2 which I put here below:

(A backyard with several trees, which may be representational or simply mimed, as desired. A squirrel, CHIP, enters and looks ahead for danger. Seeing nothing CHIP uses silent, army-like hand motions to signal the others. Two other squirrels, NUTTY and ZIPPY, enter cautiously. NUTTY follows CHIP's instructions and stands at the designated point while ZIPPY, distracted, wanders off until put in place by CHIP. CHIP then scouts further ahead to ensure that they are safe.)

NUTTY: Is she there?

CHIP: Looks like the coast is clear. All right. Attention! (NUTTY snaps to, while ZIPPY looks blank and then dissolved into giggles.) Private Zippy! (ZIPPY stops.) That's better Now, does everyone remember the plan? (NUTTY and ZIPPY clearly are unsure.)

NUTTY: Well we, um... then we... No.

CHIP: Good grief! All right, one more time then. Operation: Sudden Death.

NUTTY: I'm sorry, what?!?

CHIP: It's just a figure of speech. The target: the family dog, codename Bonehead. (ZIPPY giggles.) If you please! The mission: to establish our dominance over the backyard once and for all. The plan: to capture Bonehead. (ZIPPY and NUTTY gasp.)

NUTTY: Impossible!

CHIP: Nevertheless, we will capture the dog... or die trying.

NUTTY: Uh, Chip, when you say die...

CHIP: A figure of speech.

NUTTY: Can we stop using those?

CHIP: Now then, here's what we're going to do. Nutty, you will act as bait.

NUTTY: Bait?!?

CHIP: (Not listening) Meanwhile, I will keep a lookout on the backdoor and give the signal once Bonehead... (ZIPPY laughs again.) Zippy! (ZIPPY stops.) ...once Bonehead is in the backyard. Then, when Nutty has lured Bonehead into position, Zippy will spring the trap. Have you got that?

NUTTY: About this whole bait thing...

CHIP: Private Nutty! (NUTTY stands at attention.)

NUTTY: Yes sir!

CHIP: Do you want to always be looking over your shoulder every time you dare venture from the trees?

NUTTY: No sir!

CHIP: Do you want future generations of squirrels to be put through the terror that has become our daily existence?

NUTTY: No sir!

CHIP: Do you want to end up like Old Man No-tail?

NUTTY: No sir!

ZIPPY: (Echoing) No sir! (ZIPPY breaks down into a fit of giggles.)

CHIP: Then the proper execution of this plan is of the utmost importance! It is critical that Bonehead be lured into position or else our whole mission is naught.

NUTTY: Not what?

CHIP: Not not, naught! Pointless! Doomed to fail! You must ensure that Bonehead reaches this point here. (CHIP crosses to stand at the designated spot.) The fate of every squirrel in the tri-block area depends on it. Are you going to let them down?

NUTTY: (With patriotic zeal) No sir!

CHIP: Then take your position! (NUTTY proudly does so and ZIPPY applauds enthusiastically. Slight pause)

NUTTY: What do I do when Bonehead gets here?

CHIP: Run like the wind soldier!

NUTTY: Right. (CHIP crosses to ZIPPY.)

CHIP: Zippy. (ZIPPY has become distracted by a bird or other backyard item.) Zippy! Your post is here, behind the tree. Once Bonehead is in position you will spring the trap.

ZIPPY: Trap? (ZIPPY looks to NUTTY who shrugs.)

CHIP: Did either of you two pay any attention at all during the briefing?

NUTTY: Not exactly...

CHIP: Why not?

NUTTY: I was eating a nut.

CHIP: What?

NUTTY: It was a really good nut.

CHIP: Nutty!

NUTTY: What did you expect? We're squirrels, we're not known for our attention spans.

CHIP: And you, Private Zippy? (ZIPPY, whose attention has wandered again, acts as if he's noticed CHIP for the first time.)

ZIPPY: Hi Chip!

NUTTY: I rest my case.

CHIP: Will you please pay attention! The success of this mission rests solely on us. Succeed, and eternal glory shall be ours. Fail, and we'll be torn limb from limb.

NUTTY: Is that a figure of speech?

CHIP: No. Zippy, your job is crucial. When Bonehead reaches Nutty you must throw the net, got it? (ZIPPY nods vigorously, with no comprehension of what CHIP is saying. CHIP exits briefly and returns with a net which he gives to ZIPPY.)

NUTTY: A net? We're squirrels, where'd we get a net?

CHIP: A secret team of operatives has been weaving it from grass and twigs for months.

NUTTY: We have secret operatives?

CHIP: Actually, we used chipmunk labor, but the point is it's finished and we're ready for action.

NUTTY: What happens to Bonehead once we catch her?

CHIP: Everyone else is waiting in the trees. Once Bonehead is secured, they pounce! When we're through with her Bonehead will never mess with us again. (NUTTY looks up in the trees at the invisible army of squirrels.)

NUTTY: How come they get to be up there and we're the ones down here?

CHIP: We drew the short sticks. Now, both of you, get ready! (NUTTY and ZIPPY take their positions.) Once Bonehead is in the backyard I will give the signal, "Acorn."

ZIPPY: Acorn! Acorn! (ZIPPY starts searching the ground for acorns.)

CHIP: Zippy!

ZIPPY: Acorn! Acorn! (CHIP grabs ZIPPY and puts him in his place.)

CHIP: Stay in position. It's almost dinner time and Bonehead is always let out before dinner. (CHIP takes position on the opposite side of the stage, watching for the dog, and they all wait.)

NUTTY: So, Zippy, gather enough nuts for the winter yet?

ZIPPY: Nuts! (ZIPPY suddenly runs away and offstage.)

NUTTY: What'd I say? (CHIP looks back and sees that ZIPPY is missing.)

CHIP: Where's Zippy?

NUTTY: Well I said... then Zippy... How should I know? It's Zippy! (ZIPPY returns carrying a load of nuts.)

CHIP: What are you doing?

ZIPPY: My nuts!

NUTTY: Hey, nice stash, buddy.

CHIP: Zippy, get rid of those now, it's almost time. (ZIPPY looks for a place to hide his nuts and then realizes CHIP and NUTTY are watching.)

ZIPPY: Can't.

CHIP: Why not? (ZIPPY looks shy.)

NUTTY: He can't do it while we're watching, Chip. They're his nuts.

CHIP: For goodness sake... fine. But hurry! (CHIP and NUTTY turn their backs on ZIPPY who hides the nuts in the most obvious place.)

ZIPPY: OK! (CHIP and NUTTY turn back around.)

CHIP: Now, can we get on with this?

NUTTY: Come on, Zippy, over here. (Suddenly, we hear the sound of a DOG offstage. CHIP and NUTTY freeze. ZIPPY starts nibbling on a nut.)

CHIP: There she is! Acorn! Acorn!

ZIPPY: Acorn? Acorns! (ZIPPY abandons the net and starts looking around for acorns.)

NUTTY: Zippy, get back here! (The DOG enters, sniffing around the ground.)

CHIP: Back in position, Zippy, it's Bonehead!

ZIPPY: Bonehead? (ZIPPY starts giggling again. The DOG notices ZIPPY and starts to growl.)

NUTTY: Uh oh.

DOG: Grrrrrrrr..... (She slowly advances on the unsuspecting ZIPPY.)

ZIPPY: Bonehead! (ZIPPY continues to giggle.)

CHIP: Zippy, the net! The net! (ZIPPY doesn't pay attention.) Nutty, lure Bonehead!

NUTTY: But there's no trap!

CHIP: Do it!

NUTTY: (To the DOG) Yoohoo! Over here! (The DOG sees NUTTY and starts to bark and chase after him.) Ahhh!!! Chip!

CHIP: Get her in position! (CHIP crosses to ZIPPY.) Where's the net? (ZIPPY offers CHIP a nut.)

ZIPPY: Acorn?

CHIP: No! That was just the signal! (CHIP picks up the net and gives it to ZIPPY.) Here, get ready. (By now the DOG has NUTTY cornered behind a bush or tree.)

NUTTY: Help!

CHIP: Private Nutty, that's not the position.

NUTTY: Close enough! Just do something!

CHIP: Private Zippy: ready, aim, fire! (ZIPPY looks blank.) The net! (ZIPPY throws the net over CHIP.) Get it off! (CHIP stumbles around and runs into the DOG. The DOG grabs CHIP and shakes him around.) Get her off me!

NUTTY: Think of something, Zippy. (ZIPPY offers an acorn to NUTTY.)

ZIPPY: Acorn?

NUTTY: Zippy, that's brilliant. Gather the nuts!

ZIPPY: Nuts! (ZIPPY dashes for his stash and together ZIPPY and NUTTY start pelting the DOG with them. The DOG releases CHIP, growls, and goes after NUTTY and ZIPPY.)

NUTTY: Retreat! Retreat! (They run away and CHIP disentangles himself from the net.)

CHIP: What's going on? (NUTTY and ZIPPY collide with CHIP and the DOG advances on them all.)

NUTTY: Is it too late to abort mission?

CHIP: Run! (The SQUIRRELS run away while the DOG chases them. NUTTY and ZIPPY run one direction while CHIP runs in another and is followed offstage by the DOG.)

NUTTY: Go, Chip, go! Go, Chip, go! (ZIPPY joins in the chant.)

NUTTY and ZIPPY: Go, Chip, go! Go, Chip... (From offstage we hear the sound of squealing tires followed by a crash.)

NUTTY: Ooooh, that can't be good...

ZIPPY: (Sadly) Bye bye Chip. (Pause and then CHIP re-enters, looking a little worse for the wear.)

NUTTY: Chip, you're OK! (CHIP crosses to NUTTY and grabs him.)

CHIP: The plan? What happened to the plan?!?

NUTTY: Well, first you recruited Zippy... (ZIPPY looks up from eating a nut, then returns to it.)

CHIP: I suppose it doesn't matter. She won't be chasing us anymore.

NUTTY: Yeah, and thankfully squirrels can't be sued for property damage.

CHIP: Well done, soldiers, mission accomplished.

NUTTY: Though I do feel a little bad for the kids. Their dog was their best friend.

CHIP: A casualty of war. But thanks to her sacrifice future generations of squirrels will be able to live on in peace and safety.

NUTTY: A moment of silence for old Bonehead. (They all bow their heads for a moment of silence.) Back to the trees?

CHIP: Back to the trees. (The start to exit when we hear a barking sound, higher-pitched than the DOG's.)

NUTTY: Chip, what's that? (CHIP looks offstage.)

CHIP: Oh no...

NUTTY: What? What is it? (NUTTY looks past CHIP to see.) Is that...?

CHIP: It is.

CHIP and NUTTY: Puppy!!! (ZIPPY waves at the approaching puppy, but CHIP and NUTTY drag ZIPPY offstage with them while we hear the sound of an excited puppy chasing them. Blackout.)